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Lacking Necessity: The Causes and Effects of Food Deserts--NICE TITLE
According to the United States Department of Agriculture, 23.5 million people live in food deserts and more than half of them are low-income and live more than 10 miles from an ordinary supermarket. A food desert is a geographic region where affordable and healthy groceries such as fruits and vegetables are highly limited or even nonexistent (USDA). In these food deserts, as previously stated from USDA, more than half of the people living in these food deserts are low-come, and as a result, they cannot move out of these unlivable circumstances but are forced to live and raise a family through it. According to USDA, African American and Hispanic communities have half the amount of grocery stores as white communities do and this racial segregation amongst cities causes the development food deserts. [Consequently, food deserts have its consequences--AWKWARD]: personally, economically and medically. There majority of these suffering citizens are in low-income families and they lack fresh produce to allow their children to maximize their potentials academically and personally. Also, because they are low-income families, when the body breaks down – which is inevitable with only junk AND HIGHLY PROCESSED food available – they are not able to pay for the medical bills, which results in the taxpayers of that state to pay for it.GOOD DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM--SOME EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT? WHICH CITY IS YOUR FOCUS? Not only that but food deserts are also directly linked to health problems such as obesity, diabetes and other chronic illnesses. The problem of the prevalence of food deserts in Chicago--SOME CHICAGO SPECIFIC STATS NEED TO COME BEFORE is caused by the failure of not only the state but also the national government’s purposeful actions and attention--SOMEWHAT VAGUE. WHAT DIDN'T THE CITY OR STATE DO? AREN'T FOOD DESERTS RELATED TO HISTORIC RACIAL POLITICS OF WHITE FLIGHT, RESEGREGATION? to increase the amount of fresh produce, resulting in citizens falling short of their potentials, economical involvement of other citizens, increase in healthcare costs from various diseases--AWK. PHRASING. BREAK SENT INTO SMALLER CHUNKS TO MANAGE CLARITY. Ultimately, food deserts worsen the city’s already deprived condition of bankruptcy--CHICAGO ISN'T BANKRUPT. ARE YOU CONFUSING CHICAGO WITH DETROIT? and the plethora of problems that follow it. BACKGROUND PART OF INTRO IS GOOD BUT THESIS LANGUAGE BREAKS DOWN
The main cause of food deserts is the simple fact that the government did not give enough attention--THIS IS VAGUE AND TOO SIMPLISTIC. THERE ARE SOME FACTORS BEYOND THE CONTROL OF GOV. to fixing this increasing problems of fresh food depravity--AWK WORD CHOICE. It was not until a year ago in 2012 when the national government took action the devastating effects of food deserts (Torres--WHO? WHY CRED?). Michelle Obama, the First Lady of the United States, initiated a food desert elimination campaign called Let’s Move, which seeks to eliminate all food deserts in America by 2017, and in turn, significantly decrease the obesity rate in the most obese country in the world (letsmove.gov)INCORRECT CITATION. However, according to KevinMD--WHAT KIND OF SOURCE IS THIS? DOESN'T SOUND CRED., food deserts have not been recognized as a serious issue until 2013. Even for Birju Rao, a physician residing in Chicago, “the word ‘food desert’ was just another jargon term to be memorized and regurgitated on an exam” (Rao). His honest comment reveals that even physicians, who are experts in health, did not realize the devastating problems stirring under the deceivingly innocent word, “food desert”. The food desert epidemic began as early as 1960’s when home gardens provided over 40% of the fresh produce such as fruits and vegetables consumed nationally (whyhunger.org). As industrialization began, mechanization replaced physical labor of farming, and as a result, the 20 million Victory Gardens from World War II were quickly overtaken by factories, which ultimately destroyed these citizens’ means of provision. Since these citizens lacked the money, they could not spend money on healthy but expensive food choices and consequently, local food stores went out of business, which explains the patches of food deserts especially in low-income neighborhoods (whyhunger.org). The causes of food desert epidemic eventually leads to the devastating effects that inevitably follow it. PARA NEEDS TO EXPLAIN AND PROVE CAUSE MORE. HOW IS THE GOV AT FAULT FOR THE LOSS OF HOME GARDENS? SHOULDN'T WHITES HAVE BEEN EQUALLY AFFECTED IF THIS IS THE REAL CAUSE? WHY ARE FOOD DESERTS PREDOMINANTLY IN POOR AND NON-WHITE AREAS? ISN'T IT A MATTER OF SOCIAL AND RACIAL INJUSTICE?
Due to the lack of HEALTHY AND FRESH food, the families living in food deserts lack the basic necessary nutrients to fully enable their bodies. The average human should intake at least 4 cups of fruits and vegetables every day (Fry). However, suffering families, especially the low-income, cannot afford personal vehicles to commute back and forth to the grocery store, which in itself have expensive food choices. SHOW REAL TIME EFECTS FROM CHICAGO. HOW MANY AFFECTED? According to (the video we watched in class about food deserts…will find link/info later), families cannot perform academically as well as they know they could due to hunger and non-fully functional bodies. Therefore, workers are few but healthy workers are even fewer.
CITATIONS MUST BE CORRECTED. I AM ASSUMING YOU COMPLETED THE LIB. TUTORIAL ON MAKING CITATIONS
3 STEP METHOD MUST INTRO SOURCE CRED
LIMITED RESEARCH AND EVIDENCE. GOV AND ACADEMIC SOURCES? EVEN NEWS SOURCES AND ORG SOURCES ARE MISSING
PROVIDE DETAILS FROM CITY INSTEAD OF TALKING OF FOOD DESERTS GENERALLY. HOW DOES PROBLEM MANIFEST ITSELF IN CHICAGO SPECIFICALLY?
Lacking Necessity: The Causes and Effects of Food Deserts--NICE TITLE
According to the United States Department of Agriculture, 23.5 million people live in food deserts and more than half of them are low-income and live more than 10 miles from an ordinary supermarket. A food desert is a geographic region where affordable and healthy groceries such as fruits and vegetables are highly limited or even nonexistent (USDA). In these food deserts, as previously stated from USDA, more than half of the people living in these food deserts are low-come, and as a result, they cannot move out of these unlivable circumstances but are forced to live and raise a family through it. According to USDA, African American and Hispanic communities have half the amount of grocery stores as white communities do and this racial segregation amongst cities causes the development food deserts. [Consequently, food deserts have its consequences--AWKWARD]: personally, economically and medically. There majority of these suffering citizens are in low-income families and they lack fresh produce to allow their children to maximize their potentials academically and personally. Also, because they are low-income families, when the body breaks down – which is inevitable with only junk AND HIGHLY PROCESSED food available – they are not able to pay for the medical bills, which results in the taxpayers of that state to pay for it.GOOD DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM--SOME EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT? WHICH CITY IS YOUR FOCUS? Not only that but food deserts are also directly linked to health problems such as obesity, diabetes and other chronic illnesses. The problem of the prevalence of food deserts in Chicago--SOME CHICAGO SPECIFIC STATS NEED TO COME BEFORE is caused by the failure of not only the state but also the national government’s purposeful actions and attention--SOMEWHAT VAGUE. WHAT DIDN'T THE CITY OR STATE DO? AREN'T FOOD DESERTS RELATED TO HISTORIC RACIAL POLITICS OF WHITE FLIGHT, RESEGREGATION? to increase the amount of fresh produce, resulting in citizens falling short of their potentials, economical involvement of other citizens, increase in healthcare costs from various diseases--AWK. PHRASING. BREAK SENT INTO SMALLER CHUNKS TO MANAGE CLARITY. Ultimately, food deserts worsen the city’s already deprived condition of bankruptcy--CHICAGO ISN'T BANKRUPT. ARE YOU CONFUSING CHICAGO WITH DETROIT? and the plethora of problems that follow it. BACKGROUND PART OF INTRO IS GOOD BUT THESIS LANGUAGE BREAKS DOWN
The main cause of food deserts is the simple fact that the government did not give enough attention--THIS IS VAGUE AND TOO SIMPLISTIC. THERE ARE SOME FACTORS BEYOND THE CONTROL OF GOV. to fixing this increasing problems of fresh food depravity--AWK WORD CHOICE. It was not until a year ago in 2012 when the national government took action the devastating effects of food deserts (Torres--WHO? WHY CRED?). Michelle Obama, the First Lady of the United States, initiated a food desert elimination campaign called Let’s Move, which seeks to eliminate all food deserts in America by 2017, and in turn, significantly decrease the obesity rate in the most obese country in the world (letsmove.gov)INCORRECT CITATION. However, according to KevinMD--WHAT KIND OF SOURCE IS THIS? DOESN'T SOUND CRED., food deserts have not been recognized as a serious issue until 2013. Even for Birju Rao, a physician residing in Chicago, “the word ‘food desert’ was just another jargon term to be memorized and regurgitated on an exam” (Rao). His honest comment reveals that even physicians, who are experts in health, did not realize the devastating problems stirring under the deceivingly innocent word, “food desert”. The food desert epidemic began as early as 1960’s when home gardens provided over 40% of the fresh produce such as fruits and vegetables consumed nationally (whyhunger.org). As industrialization began, mechanization replaced physical labor of farming, and as a result, the 20 million Victory Gardens from World War II were quickly overtaken by factories, which ultimately destroyed these citizens’ means of provision. Since these citizens lacked the money, they could not spend money on healthy but expensive food choices and consequently, local food stores went out of business, which explains the patches of food deserts especially in low-income neighborhoods (whyhunger.org). The causes of food desert epidemic eventually leads to the devastating effects that inevitably follow it. PARA NEEDS TO EXPLAIN AND PROVE CAUSE MORE. HOW IS THE GOV AT FAULT FOR THE LOSS OF HOME GARDENS? SHOULDN'T WHITES HAVE BEEN EQUALLY AFFECTED IF THIS IS THE REAL CAUSE? WHY ARE FOOD DESERTS PREDOMINANTLY IN POOR AND NON-WHITE AREAS? ISN'T IT A MATTER OF SOCIAL AND RACIAL INJUSTICE?
Due to the lack of HEALTHY AND FRESH food, the families living in food deserts lack the basic necessary nutrients to fully enable their bodies. The average human should intake at least 4 cups of fruits and vegetables every day (Fry). However, suffering families, especially the low-income, cannot afford personal vehicles to commute back and forth to the grocery store, which in itself have expensive food choices. SHOW REAL TIME EFECTS FROM CHICAGO. HOW MANY AFFECTED? According to (the video we watched in class about food deserts…will find link/info later), families cannot perform academically as well as they know they could due to hunger and non-fully functional bodies. Therefore, workers are few but healthy workers are even fewer.
CITATIONS MUST BE CORRECTED. I AM ASSUMING YOU COMPLETED THE LIB. TUTORIAL ON MAKING CITATIONS
3 STEP METHOD MUST INTRO SOURCE CRED
LIMITED RESEARCH AND EVIDENCE. GOV AND ACADEMIC SOURCES? EVEN NEWS SOURCES AND ORG SOURCES ARE MISSING
PROVIDE DETAILS FROM CITY INSTEAD OF TALKING OF FOOD DESERTS GENERALLY. HOW DOES PROBLEM MANIFEST ITSELF IN CHICAGO SPECIFICALLY?